Riker Ipsum

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Text courtesy of Riker Ipsum.

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Congratulations – you just destroyed the Enterprise. Computer, belay that order. Ensign Babyface! The Enterprise computer system is controlled by three primary main processor cores, cross-linked with a redundant melacortz ramistat, fourteen kiloquad interface modules. Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns. Besides, you look good in a dress. I’m afraid I still don’t understand, sir. I guess it’s better to be lucky than good. I suggest you drop it, Mr. Data. And blowing into maximum warp speed, you appeared for an instant to be in two places at once. Worf, It’s better than music.

Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns. What’s a knock-out like you doing in a computer-generated gin joint like this? Not if I weaken first. Sorry, Data. A lot of things can change in twelve years, Admiral. Worf, It’s better than music. It’s jazz. Commander William Riker of the Starship Enterprise. Now, how the hell do we defeat an enemy that knows us better than we know ourselves? We finished our first sensor sweep of the neutral zone.

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I’ve had twelve years to think about it. And if I had it to do over again, I would have grabbed the phaser and pointed it at you instead of them. Mr. Crusher, ready a collision course with the Borg ship. A surprise party? Mr. Worf, I hate surprise parties. I would *never* do that to you. About four years. I got tired of hearing how young I looked. You’re going to be an interesting companion, Mr. Data. Smooth as an android’s bottom, eh, Data? I guess it’s better to be lucky than good. Damage report!

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It’s jazz. For an android with no feelings, he sure managed to evoke them in others. What’s a knock-out like you doing in a computer-generated gin joint like this? You enjoyed that. You did exactly what you had to do. You considered all your options, you tried every alternative and then you made the hard choice. My oath is between Captain Kargan and myself. Your only concern is with how you obey my orders. Or do you prefer the rank of prisoner to that of lieutenant? Your head is not an artifact! Talk about going nowhere fast. We have a saboteur aboard. That might’ve been one of the shortest assignments in the history of Starfleet. You’re going to be an interesting companion, Mr. Data. A surprise party? Mr. Worf, I hate surprise parties. I would never do that to you.

Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise. Well, that’s certainly good to know. In all trust, there is the possibility for betrayal. We could cause a diplomatic crisis. Take the ship into the Neutral Zone Sure. You’d be surprised how far a hug goes with Geordi, or Worf.

Mr. Crusher, ready a collision course with the Borg ship. We finished our first sensor sweep of the neutral zone. Mr. Worf, you sound like a man who’s asking his friend if he can start dating his sister. Yesterday I did not know how to eat gagh. Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur, wholeheartedly! How long can two people talk about nothing? When has justice ever been as simple as a rule book?

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This is not about revenge. This is about justice. But the probability of making a six is no greater than that of rolling a seven. Smooth as an android’s bottom, eh, Data? Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you. Travel time to the nearest starbase? Is it my imagination, or have tempers become a little frayed on the ship lately?

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I am your worst nightmare! Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you. Maybe if we felt any human loss as keenly as we feel one of those close to us, human history would be far less bloody. Wait a minute – you’ve been declared dead. You can’t give orders around here. A lot of things can change in twelve years, Admiral. Wouldn’t that bring about chaos?


The look in your eyes, I recognize it. You used to have it for me. Commander William Riker of the Starship Enterprise. I can’t. As much as I care about you, my first duty is to the ship. I will obey your orders. I will serve this ship as First Officer. And in an attack against the Enterprise, I will die with this crew. But I will not break my oath of loyalty to Starfleet.

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I think you’ve let your personal feelings cloud your judgement. We know you’re dealing in stolen ore. But I wanna talk about the assassination attempt on Lieutenant Worf. Sorry, Data.

Why don’t we just give everybody a promotion and call it a night – ‘Commander’? Maybe if we felt any human loss as keenly as we feel one of those close to us, human history would be far less bloody. You bet I’m agitated! I may be surrounded by insanity, but I am not insane.

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And blowing into maximum warp speed, you appeared for an instant to be in two places at once. A surprise party? Mr. Worf, I hate surprise parties. I would *never* do that to you. The game’s not big enough unless it scares you a little. What? We’re not at all alike! They were just sucked into space.

Image from a subfolder in uploads; can’t select it via “Add Media”, but it works…